Blogmas 2019 Reflections

Another Year Over

Does anyone else think over the last year of their life around Christmas, or is that just me?

There is so much hustle and bustle, even those who start their ‘New Year, New Me’ / ‘2020 Bucket List and Goals’ planning. 

I also do some of this however, I also like to take the time to reflect. To be honest I don’t even realise I’m doing it, but once that ball starts rolling it doesn’t tend to stop.

Lowest points of the year

I suppose some would say it’s lucky that there is only one real stand-out moment of sadness this year.

Don’t get me wrong, I am human. I’ve had moments of sadness, anger, frustration, anxiousness, sickness etc. There is an event which has drained me and people who have confused and frustrated me however, the lowest point of this year for me was losing my dog, Abbie.

She was the loveliest, happiest ball of energy. She loved being fussed and she loved being around people. 

It’s awkward to talk about her. Part of me wants to because I miss her so much, but I feel like when I mention her others feel uncomfortable. 

It happened in July and she would have been fifteen earlier this month. Sometimes I’m still brought to tears at 2 o clock in the morning. When all I want to do is hold her, and all I can do is think about her final moments.

We had to take her to the vets, she was so happy we were all around her, and she didn’t know that she wasn’t going to get to come home.

It’s been six months and I still think about and miss her every single day. 

Highest points of the year

Thankfully there have been countless memories over this year of incredible experiences.

Celebrate good times

2019 started off with a bang and in January we celebrated two friends engagement. It was such a fun evening with good friends, and was the perfect way to kick off the year.

All the socialising

I feel like 2019 was a year I saw most of my friends fairly regularly. Of course there are friends who your schedules clash or people have things going on and you can’t see each other all of the time. However, for the most part I feel I was usually out seeing people and having a good time. Whether that was at someone’s house, at a pub or a restaurant or on some sort of day out and it’s been fantastic. Definitely something I would like to carry through to 2020. 

My Godson

Along with seeing friends more, this year I also got to spend more time with my Godson. We did a day trip to a farm with the parents and a few of us Godparents and it was so lovely! It’s incredible to see how much he’s growing and learning every day. It doesn’t seem that long ago he was falling asleep in my arms. Now he’s running around, he knows what he likes and doesn’t like and he’s such a ray of happiness you can’t help but smile around him. 

Goodreads Goal

This is such a small, minute thing in comparison to everything else I have on this list however, in June I completed my Goodreads Goal of 25 books. This doesn’t seem like much however, 2018 was not my best reading year by a long shot and I’m glad that I was able to get myself back on track, even with a mid-year slump.

Cyprus

This year I went back to Cyprus. 

Cyprus is basically my second home. I have family there and I’ve been going there since I was a kid. 

There are other places and countries I would like to explore however, I’m always drawn to Cyprus because of how well I know the area and how comforting it is to me. I can go out there and completely relax, I know where everything is and I know where I like to go and what I like to do. 

It is my home away from home and I adore visiting whenever I can.

Work

I think it’s fair to say that all jobs have their ups and downs however, what I have been enjoying this year is how comfortable I finally feel at work – and trust me, that is doing a number on my anxiety. Does anyone else get this? Everything seems to be going OK so of course it’s all going to go to hell, it’s only a matter of time. 

Yeah, that sucks. Also, I feel like I’m jinxing myself to say I’m comfortable at work at the moment.

That is the case though. Like I say, all jobs have their ups and downs however, at the moment I feel like I’m actually not that bad at what I do. Whereas, over the past couple of years I’ve had a serious case of Imposter Syndrome. 

I’ve always loved working with the people there however, again this year I feel closer to people. I feel like I’m letting more people in and I’m expressing more of myself and my thoughts, and I feel comfortable doing that. 

Perhaps it’s just a sign of how long I’ve been there however, it does feel pretty good. 

Monster of the Week

Some friends of mine came across this thing called Monsters of the Week.

The way they described it was that it was a little like Dungeons and Dragons, in the sense that you create your own characters, a person comes up with the overarching story / quest / mystery and then the other characters have to work their way through and investigate to hopefully defeat the monster at the end. I was also told it would not be as long as Dungeons and Dragons.

I’ll be honest, I’ve never played Dungeons and Dragons.

However, it’s always interested me and so did this game. 

I absolutely love creating things and improvisation. Creating a character was so much fun, and learning about the characters and world my friends have created has been amazing. 

I think part of it is the creativity, but I suppose it also has a lot to do with the people you’re spending time with. 

All I know is I’ve been having so much fun and I cannot wait for the next one!

Auntie’s Wedding Day

This year one of my Auntie’s got married. 

First and foremost, she looked absolutely stunning. 

It was such a lovely day and evening. To see all my auntie’s, uncles, cousins, my Yiayia. All having such a good time in celebration. I’ll admit I don’t see my family in London as often as I should. Lately whenever I go up I talk more and more with my cousins, some of whom are becoming almost adults themselves and it’s so interesting learning about what they do for school / college / university / work and what they’re interested in. They’re wonderful, clever and insightful people, and while I’ve always known this I’ve loved getting to know them better. 

New Baby Cousin

Speaking of cousins, that Auntie who got married also had a baby this year. 

He is absolutely adorable. I’ve met him a couple of times now and he’s so smiley and so good around people. He doesn’t seem to make a fuss and seems pretty content whenever I see him. 

It’s strange to think that when he’s my age I’m going to be… old. Fifty-one. OK, maybe not that old but it feels like forever away and yet it’s no doubt going to go so fast and that freaks me out, so we’re going to stop thinking about that. 

What I do know is that it’s going to be so interesting to get to know him as he gets older. 

Mental Health / Self-Care

My mental health hasn’t been the best. Most likely throughout the majority of  my life however, more specifically over the last few years.

However, while I still feel anxious about various things the majority of the time, I feel my mental health has been the best it has in a long while. 

I know that’s down to the people I surround myself with, and I think it’s also in part due to the fact that I try not to become absorbed by the things which bring me down or cause me to become anxious. 

I try to talk about the thing which worry me with other people, be it family, friends colleagues or managers – depending on the situation. In the past I think I underestimated them. I didn’t want to burden them with my worries and I shouldered them on my own. 

I’ve learned, or in some cases I’m still learning, that talking about an issue won’t burden other people and it definitely won’t be the end of the world. 

Talking about it relieves a pressure inside your mind. The more it circles in your mind the bigger of an issue it becomes, and the issue itself might only be big to you due to how much you’re overthinking.

I think it’s natural, but it’s also awful.

I can also say I don’t feel as though I’ve had many issues with low mood this year. Over the years I have found myself in tears in the work bathroom more times than I care to admit however, this year I think that has reduced dramatically.

Again, I don’t want to jinx anything but before this is something that was almost part of the norm for me. I’d feel myself spiralling to the point I was drowning, just about breaking the surface for gulps of air. 

This year hasn’t been perfect however, it’s been better. I want to keep doing better. 

(2) Comments

  1. I’m sorry about your dog. I still miss mine and it was over 5 years ago that we said goodbye. They have a special place in our hearts.

    1. Thank you ❤️
      I’m sorry about yours too. It’s so so hard, words can’t describe. Sending you lots of love ❤️

      I completely agree, they really do. They’re part of the family.

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