“How difficult it must be for you,
To watch me become less of the person you once knew.
My body is here, but my mind is not.
This will be our longest goodbye.
For the mind of the person you love, is slowing and will die.
I will not act or behave like the person I once was.
But please remember, it’s not something I have control of.
I’m sorry for this burden I put on you.
There will be some rough days, with teary eyes and hearts of blue.
But let the love of so many years carry us the rest of the way.
Because this is not forever and our souls will meet again one day”
– I Understand by Joy Rembert
Around Christmastime we spend time with the people we love most, our family and friends.
Today I visited my Grandmother, and she asked me who I was.
Today confirmed what I already knew was coming, my Grandma doesn’t know who I am anymore.
I’m not mad at her, and I don’t blame her. After all, it isn’t her fault.
But it hurts. There’s no denying how much it hurts.
I think about all the memories we’ve created over the years, and how grateful I am to have spent the time I did with her. Of course, she’s still here with us, and I’m grateful for that too. It’s an awful feeling to know that this person who was there when I was born, who knew all about me, now sees me as a stranger.
Over the years she’s spent Christmases with us, birthdays, holidays, she babysat us, came with us to pantomimes and took care of me when I was sick. Now it’s my turn to do the same for her.
Although she doesn’t remember all that she did for me, or all that we did together, it doesn’t erase them. Though she doesn’t know how much she loved me, it doesn’t erase how much I love her.
This isn’t a very Christmassy Blogmas post however, I believe that there are a lot of people feeling how I am feeling now. Especially around this time of year.
If you have a Grandparents, or a relative, in a similar situation go and visit them. You may think it’s pointless because they’ve no idea who you are, they may not talk the same or act the same, but if they could they would be there with you. It’ll hurt, but it’ll hurt more when time passes and you realise you could have made the most of the time you had, even if they have no idea.